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Dr. Jitters
Name: Dr. Jitters
vot ish dish?
Unholy scratchings from deep within Abernathy Manor - loosened upon an unsuspecting verldt !!!

It's, it's ...
-the Secret Journal of Dr. Jitters!


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Monsters to be pitied...
SEMICOLON! RIGHT PARENTHESIS! WINKY EMOTICON!
serizawa3000
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Early Man created Art because try as he might, he couldn't spend all of his free time eating and having sex.
lulu
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Hello All!

Just a note to let you know: Zelda is now available for purchase on our website: http://www.zeldamag.com ! Zelda is for aficionados of early 20th century culture (1900-1940), with features on the best of what's going on in vintage culture now!

I'm a huge Louise Brooks fan, and happy to join the community!

Get your copy today! ;)
serizawa3000
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So on the Brutal Legend front, I've found all the landmarks and finished all the hunting challenges. Found all but... two, three Buried Metal artifacts, and there's still a few Bound Serpents out there...

I thought the Drowning Doom land would be a little more fun to explore... or easier to explore, maybe, now that the game's over, but it's not...  those Grim Reapers are still running around...

So along with the stealth casting of Kyle Gass and Brian Posehn... they got David Cross in there somehow. He's the voice of (wait for it) a Tainted Coil unit called the Screamwagon. He actually does the voice of this little pink demon spread-eagled on top of the vehicle... with the cauldron of boiling oil right behind his head... So... you get to hear David Cross scream and gargle...

I like how Eddie says "Oh no! The Metal Gods still use hydrogen!" after playing the "Bring It on Home" riff.

In other news... I dunno. Go to Borders with a "buy one, get 50% off the second item" coupon but can't find anything I really want...? Strange... There's a HUGE book out about Sesame Street, out just in time for the show's 40th anniversary... hmmm...

It's getting around that time where I'm going to need calendars... but which ones? There's a calendar for old horror movies that comes with a DVD...?  Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Calendar? There's like... three or four of them. A really big one, one not so big... a desk diary type, and one of those one-a-day ones... I guess for those who need their "wet sand on boobs" cravings met daily... A Maxim calendar, a couple Playboy calendars... um. Um. Some years ago I got an H.R. Giger calendar... I haven't seen one in a while, though.

I don't know. Whenever I'm at my writer's groups... either of them... I get all brittle and contrary...

Looking at my books of Neil Gaiman's short stories... he makes it look so simple... effortless...

Maybe I need to read something badly written then, so as to feel better and inspired even...
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What I Wrote. First coda of Poltergeist. Prose feels pedestrian – it was exactly like solving an algorithm: X amount of information needs to be revealed in X number of words. But though I’m insecure about everything else in my life right now, the one thing I’m absolutely sure about, damn it, is I write good. Feeling it is a perk, a tiptoe through the tulips. But honestly? Doesn’t matter if I feel it or not. I’ve reached that plateau in my (get out your fans and flutter now) craft where I can fake it to look like I feel it.

What I Read. Reread actually: The Grapes of Wrath. Spent half an hour or so afterwards wondering what happens next to the Joads. I’m pretty sure their great grandson is cooking meth out of a trailer somewhere on the outskirts of King City, and that their great granddaughter is a prison guard at Salinas Valley State Prison. But what about all those intervening generations?

Practical Shit I Accomplished: Went food shopping. (Say what you will about Walmart, it does stretch that dollar.) Made To Do list. Verified that I’m eligible for unemployment.

Fantasized about attending AA meetings to network for employment opportunities. I’m not an alcoholic or a drug addict. But would it be so wrong to pretend I’m one? I mean, damn, there must be some Cornell HR personnel who are contemplating going back on the bottle, right? Or maybe the owner of an upscale Internet advertising agency looking for a project manager. How unethical would that be anyway?

RTT caught B’s cold. B is still sick as a dog. I’m just praying the cold doesn’t catch me – can’t afford to be out of commission right now. Miles to go, miles to go, and all of them slogging through garbage...

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serizawa3000
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So while I have finished the single-player campaign on Brutal Legend, I'm still playing it. Doing the odd litle side missions, like beating the Hunter's record, riding the Rack of Death, and so on. Looked at all the landmarks. Still finding Bound Serpents here and there, but no Buried Metal though I'm certain I haven't found them all... And playing the occasional Stage Battle against the AI... there's a couple new arenas to download...

But what then. Funny thing, I've got some games, but have yet to finish them. Like Batman: Arkham Asylum and Ghostbusters.

But then I see some commercial about pre-ordering such-and-such game from GameStop and getting an exclusive weapon... Darksiders, I think the game is called. It seems to be about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and angels and demons with GINORMOUS swords. I'm wondering if this is the Dante's Inferno-inspired game I read about some time ago, or whether it's something else... because I seem to remember reading about a game inspired by Dante's Inferno...

And Splatterhouse doesn't come out until next summer...

UPDATE: Along with Darksiders, there is a Dante's Inferno game coming out. You are Dante, and you go into Hell to save the soul of your beloved Beatrice... bosses include Cleopatra, Cerberus, and of course the Devil Himself...
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Another instance of "Someone brings puppy to work, hilarity ensues."
scottlord
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Roger Daltrey just waved to me. He's a cool actor.

Greta Garbo
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So anyway, I’ve been on an old movie binge. Movies, even bad movies, put me in a fugue state. Easiest conduit to egolessness. Egolessness works a whole lot better than Prozac or Welbutrin on depression.

The old movies I’ve been watching are good movies: Sunset Boulevard, Smoke, Double Indemnity, Chinatown, Il Giardino dei Fitzi-Continis and this morning, The Last Picture Show, Peter Bogdanovitch’s adaptation of Larry McMurtry’s novel. I reread the novel late this summer in the public library of a town called Hooker, Oklahoma.

My love for Larry McMurtry is deep, abiding and true. That the movie is not as good as the novel is mostly due to Timothy Bottoms who confused acting with wandering around looking dazed. The other members of the cast are strong enough to carry the film for the most part.

The novel is a heartbreaker.

An interesting sidebar: McMurtry went back and wrote two sequels to it, both comedies. Fascinating authorial choice to say the least.

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Good news is that we found a place. That’s exactly what it is too, a place. Inexpensive (will cost a fortune to heat). Takes pets. Pleasant landlord was so relieved to get the place rented that he didn’t ask a lot of questions. It’s in Freeville, very close to central Ithaca. Half a house.

I see it as The Transition. I gave the pleasant landlord my word of honor that we would stay at least until summer to give him a better shot at rerenting. It’s not a very attractive place. I believe the word Ben would use to describe it is “utilitarian.”

I’m relieved to have it though. Job search is impossible without a local address.

On Monday we’d all loaded up in the car – by “all” I mean Ben, RTT, myself, the two dogs and the turtle (leaving the cat to fend for herself with Friskies and water) – and cruised on up from Edinboro (just outside Erie) to Ithaca. If the Joads had driven a red VW bug, that’s what we would have looked like. Goal was to look at houses and for me to sign up with temp agencies.

Signing up with temp agencies was certainly an exercise in humility. Leslie at Kelly clearly hated her job and did my intake with the snarling indifference an SS officer might show a new Auschwitz recruit. I had to take a bunch of computer tests – I am merely “basic” at MS Word (which shocked me) but I’m “intermediate” at Excel (at which I’m actually pretty mediocre.) When Leslie announced she was giving me a typing test, my hands started to flutter – not shake, but actual palsy. Why are you so fucking nervous? I chided myself. Like who fucking cares about this? But I couldn’t help it. Overweight Leslie with her bright red lipstick and her shapeless black sweater dress held me in such obvious scorn that I felt like a non-person. I was only able to type 38 words per minute; I usually type 55.

The people at Manpower were much, much nicer, did an actual interview at the end of which the branch manager gave me two post-its. “We don’t have anything here that’s a match for your skills, I’m afraid,” she said. “I mean I’m not going to send you out on an assignment as a temporary dishwasher in the Cornell dormitory. I am going to forward your resume to our professional division – they do more headhunter, executive recruiting kind of stuff. And this is the name of an associate of mine who owns a digital advertising boutique – it seems most of your work experience has been Internet-related, so that’s really where you should be looking. Call her up, use my name – talk to her, she may have some leads or advice. And here’s the address of Ithaca’s Chamber of Commerce – they have their fingers in a lot of pies, they may be able to help you as well.”

“This is awfully kind of you,” I stammered, taking the post-it’s.”

She smiled gently. “Hey! It’s my job. Good luck.”

###


Ben and Robin had been waiting for me all this time in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t have waited for me in the wonderful Tomkins County Public Library or one of Ithaca’s many pleasant parks (where the dogs could have had some fun) or even in a coffee house, but no, Ben was determined to have the full-press Untouchable (Indian caste, not Elliott Ness) experience.

Yes, Ithaca has a Walmart now. I was shocked. And more than a little appalled. If Ithaca let Walmart in, then there’s no stopping it. All small business owners should simply buy a gun and shoot themselves in the head right now – there’s no sense in their leaving an even bigger carbon footprint if their economic value is nil, right?

We sought lodging for the night in the seedy little village of Watkins Glen. For years Watkins Glen was famous as the Mecca of Grande Prix racing in America but with the rise of Nascar, nobody actually cares about Grande Prix racing anymore, and the Glen’s makeover into Finger Lakes’ wine region capitol has not been a raging success. Naturally we picked the oldest and most dilapidated of all the motel options available to us – a rotting Georgian mansion fronting a sleazy motor court. But we lucked out! The oddly congenial Mr. Lin, an Oriental gentleman who looked to be in his late seventies and was absolutely delighted to see us, ran the place. We were probably the first paying customers he’d had in many days. And he lo-o-o-oved doggies! “You have dog, yes? Two dog? I knock five dorrar off price!”

Wait a minute, I thought. Shouldn’t you be a Patel? But, hey! Don’t count a gift horse’s fillings etc, etc. The room was cheap, warm, had a serviceable shower, high-speed Internet and a television that picked up Turner Classic Movies. At 3am when I woke up – insomnia has returned, alas! – Il Conformista was playing, one of my favorite movies of all times. I wept as though for the very first time when I saw Dominique Sanda assassinated even though I’d seen her assassinated at least forty times before – after all, thirty-nine of those times had been thirty years ago.

###


Bad news is that as soon as we got back to the RV and Edinboro, Ben fell horribly ill. I'm hoping it's not the flu -- he's feverish, coughing, has a sinus headache that's spread into his neck. No way he's going to be able to drive the RV two-hundred and fifty miles today on a merry little odyssey of relocation. So I am driving up to Freeville alone to do the paperwork and hand over the money to the landlord. B's brother Lew kindly loaned me an air mattress and a sleeping bag in case I don't want to immediately turn around and make the 250 mile drive back. We shall see... It's always something.

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scottlord
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Love- if anything, if ever, if at all

Greta garbo
crystalgee
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I must have done something right over the Halloween weekend.. I discovered I lost 1 pound which put me at the 80 pound loss this year!
*GLEE*

current state: cheerful

crystalgee
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I found out tonight I have lost 80 pounds since late January!!

current state: cheerful

scottlord
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